Excuse us for the intriguing title. There was no other way to put it better. If you've been surfing for a while, you might have already felt this way.
Lifelong hobbies are special - they become part of our body and soul.
If you have been doing Lego constructions since you were a kid and grew up buying new sets and revisiting older ones, you know how it feels.
The same applies, for instance, to music record collections, football/soccer, biking, chess, gardening, etc.
Surfing is hard to put into words.
Those who have stood up on a surfboard while magical energy pushes them across an open wave face know how it feels.
But we're not here to dissect the ethereal aura of the surfing experience.
The idea is actually to go through a more painful, self-inflicting punishment that could, on rare occasions, take over the troubled existence of the surfer's mind.
"The waves are out there, but I don't feel like surfing," I dare to say.
"What? Why? Are you OK?"
It happens. I know it's not an innate response within the parameters of health and sanity, but it has happened to me a few times.
It's still a feeling that I am assessing carefully and taking into my private philosophical office.
To understand it, you need to gently micro-analyze each layer, one by one, until you reach a plausible conclusion.
One of the first interpretations is that, just like in long-term relationships, sometimes you need to take a break and detach yourself from what you love.
Just because sushi is your favorite food, it doesn't mean you'll love eating it every day or every week.
Yes and No to Surfing
When you've been surfing for almost 35 years and have gone through all the joy and bitterness the sport gave you, at times, you feel the need to ride waves all alone or even not to go.
Sporadically, the sense of rejection is so intense that just the thought of just getting by the beach is unbearable.
Weird, right? Well, not for me. It no longer makes me feel guilty. But it did in the recent past.
"Why don't I want to paddle out and have a good time?"
After the frustration and inner turmoil caused by this conflicting psychological reaction, I instead forced myself to accept the body/brain's reaction.
Embrace it, they say. It sounds like a horrible cliché, but the truth is that it is really the only healthy answer to the unusual trigger.
The need not to surf. What could I add about it? A lot. I submitted myself to a few more tests to clear things out.
Here's another interesting conclusion. The need and rejection to surf can both be linked to the same triggers.
Here's the version for rejecting paddling out:
"My kitchen reno is driving me insane. It was supposed to be finished in three weeks, but it'll take six! Surfing? No way I can think about it now!"
Now, here's the version for needing to surf:
"My kitchen reno is driving me insane. It was supposed to be finished in three weeks, but it'll take six! I urgently need to go surfing and get wet!"
Why could these opposing reactions occur? That's the beauty of the human mind.
My Pleasure in Other People's Leisure
But here's another conclusion I reached after putting myself to the test.
There are plenty of waves out there and many available peak opportunities. The weather is nice. I have a friend that is going surfing, so I could have company. Friends of my friend are also paddling out and wonder why I am not putting my wetsuit on.
My decision: not to go. I'll stay dry on the beach, shooting my friend's waves. Gladly.
This was probably the hardest test: to watch everyone else having fun and scoring a few good ones.
And you know what? No problem at all. In the end, I laughed and told them, "I don't feel jealous!"
I would say it is a kind of a my-pleasure-in-other-people's-leisure ("Trainspotting," 1996) forever mindset, but sometimes you really need to stay away from the surf.
Or at least I do.
There are also very specific moments in life where the thought of the happiness associated with our dear surfing has the opposite effect on our will.
It's a bit like observing happy people while we're going through some rough times.
There is a neurological shift called anhedonia that helps explain this mechanism.
When we show symptoms of depression or prolonged stress, we could experience the inability to feel pleasure in things that once brought joy.
The brain's reward system (involving dopamine, primarily) gets dysregulated, so even if your favorite activity is right in front of you, your brain might not respond the same way.
It can feel pointless or even exhausting. Interesting, isn't it?
Avoiding Highlighting Contrasts
Then, when you're struggling, your mental resources are drained, and it takes energy to choose to engage in something - even something fun.
If you're overwhelmed emotionally or cognitively, even low-effort pleasures can feel like too much work.
So, instead of engaging, the brain defaults to avoidance or numbing.
There are also cases of guilt and self-worth issues.
When we are down, we often struggle with feelings of guilt or inadequacy.
We might think, "I don't deserve to enjoy this," or "How can I have fun when everything is falling apart?"
That internal narrative can create emotional resistance to doing things we love.
The brain is complex, isn't it? Even with the things we like the most in life.
Of all these explanations for my need not to surf, the idea of engaging in something I enjoy, highlighting the contrast between how I used to feel doing it versus how I feel now, makes total sense to me.
This gap can be painful.
So, sometimes, it's easier (psychologically) to avoid the activity altogether than to confront the sense of loss or change.
Many people shut down emotionally when things get rough - it's a defense mechanism.
Unfortunately, numbing bad feelings also tends to numb good ones. So even the things you love get caught in that emotional shutdown.
So, next time you're feeling blue and rejecting surfing, do know that you're not alone. If you can, talk about it with friends, family, or even anonymous people.
It really is only a matter of time before we recover that glow and joy of walking barefoot on warm sands to the shoreline, where a few fun ones are already waiting for us.
Words by Luís MP | Founder of SurferToday.com
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