Surfers can be the best at self-criticism while simultaneously funny and controversial.
One of the reasons why surf culture is such a vibrant and diverse universe of thoughts, behaviors, and opinions is because we're talking about something that is way beyond the boundaries of the definition of sport.
Surfing expands its sphere of influence off the ocean water - sometimes just into the parking lot and, in some cases, into downtown bar chats.
Gladly, everyone who surfs has a unique view of wave riding and its performers.
They range from humorously self-aware to cuttingly critical and provide a deep dive into the nuances of the surf community.
Here's a curated selection of the funniest, sharpest, and most unpopular and relatable takes on the surfing world found in online forums.
Take a deep breath and prepare for a pinch of humor, saltiness, and brutally honest observations.
1. Surfer Personality and Behavior
"All surfers would do well to go to a skatepark, not to improve at surfing but to learn even a single social skill. We suck, bro."
"I love surfing so much but absolutely hate surfers. Catch-22: worst bunch ever."
"If we all agree that surfers are di***s and we surf ourselves, does it make us d***s too?"
"Locals are do***ebags."
"Most surfers are insufferable narcissistic a**holes. The better they surf, the more this rings true."
"Most surfers have a giant ego, and if you think they don't, they just hide it really well."
"Skateboarders are thought to be antisocial and scary. Reality: they'll help an old lady cross the street. Surfers are thought to be chill. Reality: they see an old lady and wish she drowned."
"Surfers are real idiots; skateboarders are generally people who will give you the shirt off their back, even though it's the only one they have."
"As a bodybuilder that surfs for fun, in the water, surfers say too much s**t but are weak c**ts that can't look people in the eyes when on the beach."
"Surfers. People think they're laid back and friendly. In reality, most look around in the water and wish everyone they see was dead."
"Turns out kids who grew up with rich parents in an ungodly expensive beach town grow up to be kind of d***s. Skaters? Way cooler because they've seen real life."
"Surfers want others to fund their lifestyle, always looking for the bro deal, but will snake you for a wave."
"Surfers are f*****g kooks in life. F*****g useless outside of the lineup."
2. Etiquette, Localism, and Lineup Dynamics
"Etiquette doesn't apply when it's randoms you've never seen before at your local."
"If a collision with a paddling surfer is looking probable, it's up to the guy riding the wave to attempt a turn. The guy paddling can't move as fast."
"If someone has to paddle to where you're sitting in order to catch the wave, then they're snaking. Doesn't matter if they're 'deeper.' F**k you, I'm going, and we'll hash it out after."
"I'm glad there are some violent psychopaths that surf my local breaks."
"I'm supposed to drop in on you if there's a > 35 percent chance you can't catch me."
"Surf etiquette is far more grey than people make it out to be, and a lot of it just comes down to being willing to get in a confrontation with someone who will also think they were in the right."
"Surf alone. Or at least shut the f**ck up in the lineup. None of us want to hear old man burnout conversations."
"The number of times I've seen someone call another out for being dropped in on, only to see that same person commit the exact same foul, is hilarious. We're selfish."
"The sense of entitlement newish surfers have is gross and hilarious at the same time."
"I'd rather be in a break full of Wavestorm kooks than dealing with middle-aged locals."
3. Surfing Skills, Gear, and Culture
"'North Shore' is a great movie."
"99 percent of surfing skill issues can be solved with opening up the shoulders."
"Anyone who doesn't stretch before they surf is a kook."
"Big wave surfing is pointless and looks s**tty/less fun."
"Every surfer needs that one major wipeout that shakes them to their core. Teaches them there's risk in this sport - and asks if they really want to do this."
"Most people are in denial about the size of board that is appropriate for them."
"Practiced repetition of airs is not surfing."
"Riding the shortest board possible is basically a d**k-measuring contest."
"Should be illegal not to use a leash."
"The best board is the one you can catch the most waves with."
"The best surfers are only good because they have short legs relative to their long torso."
"The average surfer spends way too much time obsessing over minutiae in board shapes. Shut up about how your 6'3" is different from your 6'4". Just go surf."
"The more you rip, the higher the chance you have a learning disorder."
"Unless I know you well, if you have a Sprinter van for surfing only, I'm going to assume the following: 1. You're a yuppie who comes from money or has money and can't surf for s**t; 2. You are as impractical as they come; 3. You are insufferable outside of the water as much as you are in the water."
"Unless you are pro or very close to it, you mostly likely look pretty lame surfing."
"You're not getting back-paddled; You're just out of shape."
"You're only intermediate when you can do maneuvers, like cutbacks. Until then, you're a beginner."
4. Surfing as a Lifestyle and Subculture
"California surf abilities are far, far behind Hawaiian surfing abilities... aside from some scattered professionals."
"I have nothing against the gatekeeping of the sport."
"It's more fun to surf mediocre uncrowded waves than crowded world-class breaks."
"It's only a closeout if you surf slow."
"It's time to stop giving beginners good advice."
"Just riding the line is fine. Not every wave has to be 'shredded,' and it's annoying that it's the standard thing people try to do."
"Leave your f*****g camera at home!"
"Rick Kane never should have had his belt buckle stolen."
"Surf pools are awesome, and there should be more of them, so everyone can get what they need and chill the f**k out."
"Surf school, surf hype in general is the death of surfing."
"Surfing competitions are boring to watch. It's just dudes doing the same two turns or airs."
"Surfing is addictive and has likely ruined as many lives as other highly addictive drugs."
"Surfing is bad for the environment. Wetsuits, boards, traveling - it's all bulls**t."
"Surfing is my hobby, not my personality."
"Technology ruined surf travel... Now, everything is lined out for us online, which isn't really an adventure; it's a guided tour."
"There is nothing spiritual about surfing. It's a sport, no different than pickleball or chess."
5. Critiques of Surf Subculture and Style
"Barring old age, if you can only surf a longboard, you shouldn't call yourself a surfer."
"Localism is narcissistic delusion/autism."
"Southern California is the worst place in the world."
"Surfer influencers/content creators who roll up to the spot should get hassled and get no waves."
"Surfboard shaping is a complete pseudoscience. Listening to shapers explain their bottom contours is like hearing someone read a horoscope."
"The grungy hipster clothing style that's 'in' right now is pathetic. If they put half as much effort into surfing as they do into getting dressed, they'd actually be decent."
Words by Luís MP | Founder of SurferToday.com
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