On November 26, 2021, I lost one of my best friends, Michael Kramer.
Kramer passed away in a tragic car accident.
Kramer and I had a weird way of coming in and out of each other's lives since we were 15 years old.
We both participated in conventional sports together, but they all failed in comparison to our love for surfing.
I was always way more intense when it came to anything competitive whereas Kramer could just go with the flow.
We both tried our hardest, holding tight to the passion it takes to chase this lifelong search.
Kramer was a traveling architect, me, struggling in the extremely cold world of New Jersey Juvenile Corrections.
Months, even a year, would pass without speaking.
Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I would get a phone call or text, and without missing a beat, we'd be linking up to surf in Spring Lake or Deal, NJ.
Taking advantage of the swell, surfing, and laughing together as the sun disappeared.
I wrote this poem as a tribute to my friend.
I don't understand why some people are cut down in their prime.
I don't understand why some people are left contemplating their talent when they feel all is lost.
Kramer had an unparalleled quality of preserving friendships by simply checking in on those he cared about.
What I do know is I miss those moments my friend and I shared, even if I took them for granted at the time.
I'm grateful for the time we spent together, and I'll miss my friend forever.
Underneath This Tan
Where'd you go, plays in my head, driving down Ocean Ave.
Last invitation I'd say no, one more chance, wish I had
To spend our time in the sea, just as we had in the past
Anger-filled frustration, answering wrong when you asked
A simple gesture, a request, you could tell sorely needing
Sadly, avoiding inquiries, my profession had me seething
With no direction, a path I chose, now looking to escape
Details unclear, that night, that car, your spirit had to take
I still remember, gasping years before, "Jesus Christ man, whoa"
Flying down the highway, speed limits we'd forego
Undeniable on four wheels, skill enough to make a profession
Laughing at the time, now speed, and chances have me guessing
I felt that fire burning, when we met, still so young
Not close at the time, a new friendship had begun
Back together in our liquid home, your words served as inspiration
So alarmed at your findings, my spirit fading, needing saving
We'd paddle side by side, only friend seeming left
Recognizing undertones that time I said, "You'll be here long after my death"
We'd just laugh it off, you could tell what I'd been through
"Just get out," I hear you saying, "This just isn't you"
Shaking your head with faint smile, my head hanging lower
But then on the horizon, our shared love approaching slower
Never selfish, I'd maneuver past, anticipation had me glowing
Paddling with all my power, spray began overflowing
Like a parent you'd gaze proudly, all hours I'd put in
Time vanishing with the sun, holding tightly to our grins
As the sand hit our feet, you always spoke more than me
You talking of successes, in this moment I felt free
Parting ways, tires smoking, lips turning upward, eyes so wide
Evening routine now consuming, my high rapid in decline
These meetings would be random, yet, steady through the years
Saving me with a session, to erase fears and tears
Messaging back and forth, results matching your ambition
Never a drop of jealousy, proud your dreams turned to fruition
You were moving state to state, a different life to plant your stake
Me, moving through locked doors, not much more spirit left to take
You could feel my struggle, why loyal to this occupation?
Selfless with your time, support, so wanting just to listen
Yet still reaching out, describing caverned enclosures
I'd start not responding, losing internal battle, over and over
I should have taken these moments, to recognize life's changing tide
Or maybe just take this time, to enjoy, before goodbye
Stuck in a dark place, ashamed of a phrase so in vogue
Each passing month your request would come, I'd sadly just say no
The last text I'd receive, two months before you'd expire
Ashamed of what I'd become, my excuse, "Sorry, just too tired"
Then, that fateful night, my friend's time went awry
Crashing so hard, your breath tried, then denied
Phone dropping, knees buckling, tears filling my eyes
Death had made a huge mistake, wife and child left behind
I never got to say thank you, your presence held me together
Just the sight of your messages, carries me through life's coldest weather
Our last meeting you'd be pushed past me, hiding tears in my eyes
One last chance to see my friend, if only to say goodbye
Wishing doesn't heal the loss, in life's heartless plan
If you were here, would you see the paleness hiding underneath this tan
A lifestyle of passion, us chasing swells and sun
Now most of the time I must remind myself, this is supposed to be fun
When I walk up to the ocean, it just doesn't feel the same
Sweat quickly fills my body, fear overwhelmingly consumes my brain
Deep breaths can't help, chemicals you hated, won't make the panic stop
Turning away in defeat, as waves perfectly peel off the rocks
Lost in my head, needing something to take the pain away
The only remedy for this hurt, lie in the dawn of the day
But this morning seemed different, memory clearing to one lasting vision
The two of us paddling side by side, before internal indecision
When I peered over the cliff, my heart began to race
Bringing me back to the beginning, living for waves to embrace
Making my way to my car, this time, to grab my board and ascend
Not sure how this story will end, I just know I miss my friend
For Kramer
Words by Scott Cuttre | Surfer and Writer
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